The Many Names They Call Me By Michael Bush

My Dear Number One Fan,

1.0 Until a few years back, I used to allow myself to accept that one particular man (or, is he a woman?) was most deserving of this title. I allowed him to think that those trademark sweet nothings he almost-always shouts from the rooftop about our little on-air efforts had cast the intended spell on me. But, I have all along known you hold the title; even though, well, you hardly listen to the radio! You don't have to listen to be a Number One Fan, right? Wrong, you must. In fact, as you read this, I am sending you a dual gift: two radio sets. One for the office; the other for your bedroom. What remains now is to pray that this effort is not tantamount to forcing the horse to the river but drawing blank over getting it to drink water. I know you'd use the radio set.
2.0 Today, I am electing to do something I never do. I have never bothered about the legion of names they call me. Well, that was until I turned forty, last year. That day, I told myself: 'Look, BUSH, you must slow down on your selflessness; hurry to shout down ignorance especially when voiced about your person; and generally, speak up in the face of injustice and oppression.' The after-forty mantra (yes, that's what it is) has served me well, hitherto. Those who used to come to me in broad daylight to seek and receive favours I could have used to better my own lot, but were building 'mansions' for themselves in the night, have since come back to discover this is no longer that easy-donating Michael BUSH! My prayer is that this doesn't affect the genuine help-seeker. To dwell a little more on the subject, we blame the devil too often, too much on things he (oh, the devil is a man?) knows too little about. There are too many human devourers walking about our society; taking inhuman advantage of us, our goodness, our finances, our business. Take a man, for instance, who comes to you for every inconceivable help, but who you suddenly hear has completed and moved into his house. Or, who has just bought another car. Then, he returns for another help! What is he, please, other than a devourer? That's one. Two, what about people who want to put you down with their tongues all the time? All they have of you is a perception. They don't know you. They have not really met or interacted with you, but they are desperate to share their perception (mostly negative, and 95% erroneous) to the world. And three, the category peopled by those who believe you are inferior; or that you came to the world to watch them perform. These ones treat you poorly; applying one set of rules over you, and another over themselves.
3.0 Today, I am writing about name-calling. It's a crying shame, I cannot exhaust in one piece all the brickbat names I have had to live with. But, it is God. By the way, let me tell you why I have gone public with this emotional burden that I have borne in silence for decades. I was recently in my home State on a retreat with members of Ibom Medallion, a group that truly loves and craves the best for the State. Probably, because of our hotcake UOUish item for sale (2015), the retreat, that was intended to be a quiet event, simply lost its virginity and ended up in the martenity ward; sorry, in the marketplace. As Director-General of the body, this afforded me a fresh opportunity not only to show who I truly am, and have always been, but also for those who always jumped on board the anti-me bandwagon, to now watch and assess me, through an up close and personal prism. I am praying that someday, soon, anyone who was privileged to follow us round, will capture all the fine adjectives every one used about me. Sorry, I won't fall to the temptation of mentioning even one here, for it will smack of immodesty. And, I don't want them adding immodest to my already over-long list of names! 
4.0 And now, the roll call of adjectives those who know very little of me use on me. Gawd, which do I start with? Okay, arrogant. I have heard this too often, and sometimes from people who should know better. I am not an arrogant person; I shall never be. I could not have come from as lowly a background as I do (my background is so lowly you can't even call it humble); been as frank over that background as I have been; been through all I have been through; known God the way I know Him, and still be arrogant. Never. And I won't say the word that best describes me. The closest I can come is to explain two possibilities. One, some of those who call me arrogant are not at ease with what Mrs. Nneka Irene BUSH calls 'my husband's cast-iron self confidence.' Or are they confused over the natural pride embedded in every Uruan man? I forgive them for the mix-up. Again, others who use the word with me may themselves be too timid to square up in my presence. I cannot help those who suffer from this complex. In addition, and this is by the way, I have trained the young men and women who have passed through me always to be humble; but also to move about with arrogance in their pockets. As they have had to come back to thank me, I know that, especially in our society, many people only understand what I call the arrogant language. They treat you arrogantly if you appear HUMBLE. Perhaps, I have also been my own student. If I have been arrogant to arrogant people, Our Father who art in Heaven, many thanks for little mercies!
5.0 Furthermore, stingy. Please, don't laugh. I am wondering how someone who has given all can be painted with this tar meant for only tardy givers. Or, do they expect me to foolishly give them my life plus? I used the word, foolishly, because the first man known to have been that terminally GENEROUS has yet received commensurate posthumous recognition. In fact, some human beings still contest Jesus ever existed. However, I'd like to be stingy. I see that the stingiest people around are the richest, the ones in top positions, and the one our people prefer. Or, why do we honour them most? I hope I'm saying some things. Next, wicked. Wicked BUSH. I have nothing to say on this. I only wish I had the heart to be a herbalist, I know what I should have done to all those who paint me so wickedly. Then, quick to anger. I confess that used to be so. But, only in the Old Testament. God conquered it for me a long, long time ago. Of course, there are many names they call me. Only that I cannot address them in one fell swoop. Still, I cannot end this sans talking about the one I consider the most wicked adjective someone has used on me. I cannot bring myself to mentioning the word, for it cannot and will never describe me. For that man, who consistently uses that word against me, all I can say is: wait and see the real owners of the adjective coming for you soon. Very soon. I have had my say. Finally, my last word to anyone who suffers from similar name-calling: It is God! Many thanks, and God bless. Jesus is Lord!
Your favourite Presenter,
BUSH